So. \u00a0The bookstore the other day \u2014<\/p>\n
One of Malkah’s favorite things to do on planet Earth was to go with the tzaddik on his frequent forays into the dark and gloomy bowels of used bookstores. \u00a0 Holmes Books, in San Francisco, was one of their favorites together. \u00a0The tzaddik would give Malkah a whole dollar \u2014 and tell her she could buy any book in the store that she wanted!<\/p>\n
Anything! \u00a0Thought Malkah. \u00a0She was rich indeed.<\/p>\n
The tzaddik was a firm believer in the maxim (which I’m pretty sure he made up himself) that ‘anybody could do it with money \u2014 let’s see you do it without.’ \u00a0This principle he later also applied to Malkah’s college and grad school applications and tuition. \u00a0And \u2014 look \u2014 a miracle! \u00a0Malkah had managed just fine, as he knew she would. \u00a0And had never borrowed a penny in student loans. \u00a0She taught Hebrew School instead.<\/p>\n
But that was later on.<\/p>\n
The children’s section of Holmes Books was upstairs, behind the metaphysical section, and two aisles down from Greek tragedies. \u00a0The bookstore had that musty dusty smell \u2014 that almost but not quite made you think that the books were in danger of catching some dread disease if you didn’t rescue them and get them out of there quick. \u00a0Malkah was pretty sure the illness that the books would catch was tuberculosis. \u00a0Like Raskolnikov. \u00a0Only I’m not quite sure Raskolnikov’s garret teemed with the TB she imagined, or if he was just completely depressed because he didn’t have money to go back to school; there weren’t any student loans, and he couldn’t teach Hebrew School.<\/p>\n
We should appreciate, too, the experience of Mohammad Bouazzi here, whose predicament parallels Raskolnikov. \u00a0Same problem, but his solution differs radically. \u00a0Raskolnikov \u00a0sets out to murder in order to finance his ‘better’ existence. \u00a0Bouazizi sets himself afire, and thereby ignites revolutions across the Middle East and North Africa. \u00a0He doesn’t seek anything more than venting his own frustration and protest \u2014 but that protest is heard around the globe.<\/p>\n
Bouazizi (unwittingly) inspired. \u00a0Raskolnikov does not, despite his high intentions.<\/p>\n
Mrs Tzaddik once asked Malkah who she wanted to be like when she grew up.<\/p>\n
It’s not like Malkah had a lot of options.<\/p>\n
One dollar could buy you one Nancy Drew book. \u00a0I mean the problem was that a lot of the other books were just too expensive. \u00a0Nancy Drew was pretty cool. \u00a0She had an insatiable curiosity that just didn’t quit. \u00a0She seemed to always ask the right questions. \u00a0First of all, questions that uncovered that there was<\/em> a mystery to begin with. \u00a0And second, questions that eventually led to the solving of the major crime as presented in the book.<\/p>\n Nancy Drew, in other words, was a lot like the tzaddik.<\/p>\n Malkah was in awe of that ability, but didn’t aspire to it. \u00a0There was no way she could ever be that inquisitive, resourceful or (most of all) so consistently successful.<\/p>\n So. Scratch Nancy Drew.<\/p>\n Who else did she read who might be a good role model?<\/p>\n There were the books at home to model oneself after.<\/p>\n Malkah loved Mrs Tzaddik’s book on Picasso, that took his work from stage to stage. \u00a0Surely, that was a good model. \u00a0But Malkah wasn’t quite sure she understood his intent when his figures started to bend in on themselves. \u00a0What was that about? \u00a0Her favorites were his pen and ink drawings \u2014 so simple and evocative that just one line could make you cry. \u00a0Too daunting a role model, for a 10 year old, Malkah decided, although I’m not quite sure why.<\/p>\n Kafka\u2014well, was that too obvious? \u00a0But it was the same problem all over again. \u00a0These were all characters way above Malkah’s pay grade. \u00a0Even as a child, she was more modest than that.<\/p>\n Curiously, there weren’t any girls to aspire to. \u00a0In the 1950s, people still said, ‘girls.’ \u00a0Julie Andrews, whom Malkah had seen in My Fair Lady. \u00a0But she was a soprano.<\/p>\n So all that was left was \u2014<\/p>\n “Raskolnikov!” Malkah blurted out, as if no time had elapsed. \u00a0To tell the truth, he was the only one in her storybooks who seemed at once perfectly familiar and utterly achievable. \u00a0Malkah was proud that she’d come up with somebody after all. \u00a0Raskolnikov was really real. \u00a0Not like Gregor, the oversized spider. \u00a0Of course, what she really wanted to ‘be’ when she grew up was a beatnik. \u00a0But the names of beatniks were just slipping her mind at the moment. \u00a0At any rate, this was a victorious moment for Malkah \u2014 actually managing to answer such a large question.<\/p>\n Mrs Tzaddik started to cry. \u00a0She sobbed. \u00a0“That’s the saddest thing I ever heard,” she said and walked away shaking her head from side to side in large despair.<\/p>\n Of course, she’d had exactly the same reaction when a few weeks before she’s asked a similar question. Clearly she wanted some kind of answer that Malkah didn’t comprehend.<\/p>\n “What do you want to be when you grow up?” she had asked.<\/p>\n Malkah had brightened instantly.<\/p>\n “I want to be the keeper of the woods,” she said. \u00a0“I’d live in a cottage in the woods with a broom. \u00a0And I’d sweep. \u00a0And where I swept, there would be trails that would appear. \u00a0And people could find their way.” \u00a0She had it all worked out.<\/p>\n Mrs Tzaddik shook her head from side to side in perfect simulation of someone saying ‘woe, woe.’<\/p>\n A thousand decades later, Malkah turned the tables.<\/p>\n “What did you want me to be when I grew up?” she asked, knowing that she was now a full professor with tenure with a Ph.D. under her belt.<\/p>\n “How could I want anything for you?” Mrs Tzaddik hissed at her. \u00a0“You took drugs<\/em>! \u00a0 You played hooky<\/em>. You weren’t a serious student like I was!”<\/p>\n It’s true. \u00a0All true. \u00a0Malkah used to cut school and run off to the University. \u00a0And climb up onto the sofas in the Student Union. \u00a0And pretend she was a college student. \u00a0And she snuck off carrying her favorite books from home, and curling up reading there for hours. \u00a0And then she’d fail her classes at school.<\/p>\n Aeschylus.<\/p>\n Sophocles.<\/p>\n Euripedes.<\/p>\n She had read the Oresteia about a million times. And cried her eyes out every single time. \u00a0That was always her favorite. \u00a0The Oresteia. \u00a0But Aeschylus always cost more than a dollar. \u00a0So she’d sit on the floor upstairs at Holmes Bookstore. Cry her eyes out to the brown and tan Penguin editions of Greek tragedies. \u00a0And come home with Nancy Drew. \u00a0Could Malkah have told the truth? \u00a0I want the courage of Elektra, mama. \u00a0How would that have gone over?<\/p>\n So. \u00a0The bookstore, the other day.<\/p>\n Those bloody books still get to her. \u00a0Some like very old friends, and potential new lovers. \u00a0Others like enemies that make her scowl. \u00a0The bookstore brings her great solace. \u00a0A big laugh. \u00a0Heartbreak and terrible tears. \u00a0She can fight with them. \u00a0Learn from them. \u00a0Take them home and sleep with them. \u00a0They are her only sisters, her only brothers. \u00a0Plain cover secret handsome lovers.<\/p>\n The other day in the bookstore.<\/p>\n It’s the smells of the books, I think, that bring the memories flooding back. \u00a0Of Holmes Books, with the tzaddik. \u00a0And a thousand other bookstores from Baghdad to Jerusalem to Rabat. Paris to New York City to City Lights, in San Francisco…<\/p>\n Being in a bookstore with someone you love.<\/p>\n I think that was why I was crying.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" So. \u00a0The bookstore the other day \u2014 One of Malkah’s favorite things to do on planet Earth was to go with the tzaddik on his frequent forays into the dark and gloomy bowels of used bookstores. \u00a0 Holmes Books, in San Francisco, was one of their favorites together. \u00a0The tzaddik would give Malkah a whole…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[250,216,222],"tags":[226,52,417,419,420,421,418,416,192],"class_list":["post-2937","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-essays","category-kaddish-in-two-part-harmony","category-tzaddik-stories","tag-dads","tag-death-and-dying","tag-dostoevsky","tag-holmes-books","tag-mohammad-bouazizi","tag-nancy-drew","tag-raskolnikov","tag-revolution","tag-seymour-fromer"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2937","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2937"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2937\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2943,"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2937\/revisions\/2943"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2937"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2937"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2937"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}