It’s time to raise our glass and say a Kiddish for our Kaddish in Two-Part Harmony.<\/p>\n
I sit here in utter amazement that our whimsical little project is chugging along not just functioning but doing what it’s supposed to be doing. \u00a0When we started this project, I must admit I was a bit of a mess. \u00a0And like an idiot, I said yes instantly and came up with a perfect name for a project that I didn’t understand yet. \u00a0I’d had a year in which both my parents were on hospice and not knowing which of them might predecease the other. \u00a0This shifted to my dad’s death and my mom’s very slow climb out from under her massive brain injury from a fall in the yard.<\/p>\n
We began our kaddish project just about on the first yahrtzeit of my father’s death. \u00a0I was still (and am still) dealing with his estate, finding which institutions might best be the recipients of his treasured books, manuscripts, textiles, amulets, shvitis, ketubot, paintings, exhibition catalogs, bits of the Berlin wall \u2014 you get the idea. \u00a0Were it not for a very good friend and organizational genius, I would still today be staring into my dad’s apartment, blinking back tears, and not knowing where to start. \u00a0 Instead, almost all of the collections that packed his tiny apartment have found their next home and incarnation.<\/p>\n
Yet emptying out an apartment does not in itself bring closure. \u00a0Maybe nothing does.<\/p>\n
I’m less of a mess, as I said. \u00a0But I still cry.<\/p>\n
Today was one of those days.<\/p>\n
But something surprising happened.<\/p>\n
Erin, as you likely know, has wrangled me into learning and reciting the kaddish \u2014 something in a million years I thought I’d never do. \u00a0But there it is, our shikse goddess is one powerful deity and one doesn’t cross her lightly. \u00a0She’s pushed me into ventures I have not thought myself ready for (or interested in!) \u2014 and in each case, I have been healed by saying yes instead of no. \u00a0Slowly, I have moved out of my comfort zone (more like moving out of my rock-hard turtle shell).<\/p>\n
I started listening to music again. \u00a0And not just Kogan’s Kaddish every night, but that’s what started it. \u00a0Even on my long commute I sometimes actually turn away from NPR in favor of Bonnie Raitt and Rachid Taha on my dusty, neglected CD player in the car. \u00a0Shocking.<\/p>\n
Another breakthrough for a devout sociophobe: \u00a0I managed to go to Erin’s to record a live kaddish with her \u2014 without running away in absolute terror of it all.<\/p>\n
A mess. \u00a0You didn’t believe me, but it’s true.<\/p>\n
Recording for the first time has made me want to … record more. \u00a0A miracle! \u00a0But strangely, what I want to record is an Islamic prayer for the dead, and so I’ve been researching that. \u00a0There are a number of ways to go with that, and a number of questions to pose before going there.<\/p>\n
Is it okay for a Jewish woman to recite an Islamic prayer for the dead?<\/p>\n
Today, I got the chance to ask. \u00a0A former TA of mine came by the office to show me a draft of his thesis for his Masters program at NYU. \u00a0A very devout Muslim from abroad, his thesis is on the resilience of Shariat Law in the formation of the modern State. \u00a0Very very very interesting. \u00a0Is it obvious what this means, or should I explain it?<\/p>\n
So. \u00a0I asked him about the prayers that I’d looked up. \u00a0And why I’m only finding YouTube videos of men reciting them.<\/p>\n
My first question was about whether Al-Fatihah was appropriate as a prayer for the dead. \u00a0Al-Fatihah is the very beautiful opening of the Qur’an. \u00a0If you’ve listened to my recent recitations of the kaddish with Erin’s horn, I recite the first line of Al-Fatihah to open and close the Kaddish. \u00a0B’ismilleh ar-rahman ar-rahim …<\/em><\/p>\n But I wanted to go further. \u00a0He said Al-Fatihah was exactly the right thing to recite, although there also were other prayers that were specific to the death of say, a child, a father, a mother. \u00a0But Al-Fatihah was perfect.<\/p>\n Next question. \u00a0Recited by women? \u00a0Yes, of course \u2014 though not prominently, as I had discovered in my online searches.<\/p>\n By a non-Muslim woman? \u00a0Well, yes, he said. \u00a0The desire to recite the Fatihah tends to come over non-Muslims and they then endeavor to learn it. \u00a0And then after reciting it for a month or two or six \u2014 they find themselves converting to Islam.<\/p>\n It’s for my father, I said quickly. \u00a0It would make him happy. \u00a0Make him proud. \u00a0He was terribly ecumenical.<\/p>\n But I looked down at myself. \u00a0Berber jewelry at my throat (from my father’s collection of course). \u00a0Scarf over that and wrapped around a number of times. \u00a0Long dress and pants. \u00a0Long sleeves. \u00a0Heavy on the kohl.<\/p>\n Suddenly I saw myself through his eyes. \u00a0He knows my politics, my theoretical models regarding the Middle East. \u00a0After all, he’d been my Teaching Assistant for a full semester. \u00a0 I knew what he was thinking.<\/p>\n But I just want to recite Al-Fatihah for my father \u2014 along with the Kaddish. \u00a0I’d love to see them joined together, walking hand in hand. That’s all.<\/p>\n And I want to raise a glass and say a kiddish for our transformative and healing Kaddish in Two-Part Harmony project \u2014 and especially to Erin, who has worked so very hard on it. \u00a0Simple, right? \u00a0A toast! \u00a0 But of course, like so many Muslims, I do not drink.<\/p>\n Instead. \u00a0I lift my voice in gratitude. \u00a0We’re not quite half way through our year, but already I feel the pain and grief and sadness beginning to dissipate. \u00a0Six months from now, who knows what changes there could be? \u00a0Beware that tentative sip of wine \u2014 it just might lead to dancing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It’s time to raise our glass and say a Kiddish for our Kaddish in Two-Part Harmony. I sit here in utter amazement that our whimsical little project is chugging along not just functioning but doing what it’s supposed to be doing. \u00a0When we started this project, I must admit I was a bit of a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[250,216,269],"tags":[368,52,367,197,192],"class_list":["post-2841","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-essays","category-kaddish-in-two-part-harmony","category-seymour-fromer-zl","tag-al-fatihah","tag-death-and-dying","tag-islam","tag-mourners-kaddish","tag-seymour-fromer"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2841","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2841"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2841\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2849,"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2841\/revisions\/2849"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2841"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2841"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beitmalkhut.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2841"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}